Abs Are Made in the Kitchen

23 Mar

Anytime someone hears that I eat paleo, they always ask how strict I follow it. This usually happens as I am drinking a beer and my response is typically something like “Yep, I am 100% paleo about 80% of the time”, then I ask them to pass the pretzels.

So basically, I am a strict paleo eater wannabe. However, when I am in that 80% zone, I am pretty damn cavewoman.

My goal, and what I’d really like to accomplish in the near future, is to become 100% paleo. In order for this to happen, I have to see past it being a diet and make it a lifestyle. I have done this in the past during 30-day challenges at my gym and not only felt amazing, but looked amazing. Shouldn’t that be motivation enough to make the switch?

With that being said, my challenge to myself to begin the transformation to 100% paleo will begin this April. Of course, I should begin before then, but officially starting 4/1 sounds much more appealing to me.

So what does this mean? Eating only leans meats, veggies, fruits and nuts. Oh, and coffee – that’s it’s own food group, right?

I came across this blog post on the Norcal Strength & Conditiong website – which by the way, would be my dream place to work and I hope to visit their gym while I am in California later this summer. Anyway, it’s called “Abs are made in the kitchen” and it lists the main components of going “strict” paleo:

1) No more grains, dairy, wheat, rye, barley, quinoa, rice, corn, sugar, oats, etc – cut out all processed junk foods

2) No alcohol (goodbye my sweet social life)

3) Cut out all dried fruit

4) Reduce your fruit intake – my rule here is one piece of fruit per day, either at breakfast or following a workout

5) Portion control – my rules: protein, the size of your palm. eggs, the # you can fit in your hand, double if you are only eating the whites. veggies, unlimited. nuts, a handful per day

6) Eat more veggies

7) Up your protein intake – basically, I just have protein at every meal and for snacks (mmmm, jerky)

8) Minimize your nut intake – overdoing it here is so easy. I like the 100 calorie unsalted almond packs

9) Drink more water – I follow the 1 oz per .5lbs rule

10) Sleep! – This one is so important and can make all the difference. I bought black out blinds about a year ago and they are AMAZING! If you are going to eat like a cavewoman, might as well sleep in a cave too, right?

11) Fish oil – this stuff is the shiz

So that’s the list of rules that I will be following while I spend more time in the kitchen and the gym getting my rock hard abs, or at least a two-pack.

And lastly, a personal story.

Everytime I hear the word “abs” or any reference to “rock hard abs” I always think about Bod spray.

Remember, those commericals where some beef cake man is running around with no shirt, all greased up and some chick is seductively whispering “nice bod” and “I want your bod”? If not, you better watch it here ASAP.

Anyway, for Chirstmas one year I bought my brothers “rock hard biceps” and “really ripped abs” Bod spray – which the older one mistook for Windex. My younger of the two brothers thought it was hilarious and covered himself in it. The closest way to describe the smell would be Black Panther – it smelled like pure gasoline.

My dad was so pissed that he excused him from Christmas dinner and made him change his clothes. It was awesome. Probably the best gift I have ever given. Apart from the pillowcase with my face on it, of course.

Off to Whistler for the weekend! Fingers corssed I don’t break the other foot…

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